Legal System

Hate Them Lawyers #2

What’s the difference between a shame and a pity?

If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff, and there are no survivors, that’s known as a pity. If there were any empty seats, that’s a shame.






A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?"
"Sure do," replied the bartender.

"Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my 'gator."






The lawyers were siblings -- dishonest cheaters, as crooked as could be. They went to church only when circumstances required them to look good, or when there was a chance a dollar could be made.
When the less evil one died, the surviving sibling promised the church a sizable contribution if the eulogy for the deceased would describe the departed as a saint.

The church needed money, and succeeded in acquiring the contribution without compromising any of its virtue. The eulogy accurately described the life and character of the deceased, identifying and listing the many sins committed. In conclusion, the speaker pointed at the bereaved surviving attorney, saying, "but compared to him, the departed was a saint!"






Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, “lawyer” is always the third thing they look up?
Because the first thing a child looks up is “dog.” The second is “snake.” And under snake, the encyclopedia says “See Lawyer.”






Have you seen the current remake of the movie “Cape Fear”? It’s about a deranged psychotic who is seeking revenge against a lawyer. The question is, while watching the movie, whom do you root for?





How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
Never enough.






“The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.”
-- William Shakespeare




How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
Shoot him before he hits the water.










A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he saw walking
down the side of the road. Every time he saw a lawyer walking along the

road, he swerved to hit him and there would be a loud "THUMP". Then he

would swerve back on the road.

One day, as the truck driver was driving along the road he saw a priest

hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good deed and pulled the truck over.

"Where are you going, Father?" The truck driver asked.

"I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road", replied the priest.

"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck". The happy

priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down

the road. Suddenly, the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road.

Instinctively he swerved to hit him. At the last moment he remembered there

was a priest in the truck with him, so he swerved back to the road and

narrowly missed the lawyer.

Certain he should've missed the lawyer, the truck driver was very surprised

and immediately uneasy when he heard a loud "THUMP". He felt really guilty

about his actions and so turned to the priest and said, "I'm really sorry

Father. I almost hit that lawyer". "That's okay", replied the priest.

"I got him with the door."