Legal System

Hate Them Lawyers #4

What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
Senator.






What do you get when you cross a librarian with a lawyer?
All the information you need -- but you can’t understand a word of it.






What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
An offer you can't understand.






“Personally, I don’t think you can make a lawyer honest by an act of legislature. You’ve got to work on his conscience. And his lack of a conscience is what makes him a lawyer.”
-- Will Rogers






“Lawyer: One skilled in circumvention of the law.”
-- Ambrose Bierce






A former lawyer applied to a government contractor for a job. The contractor asked him what he could do. "I'll be a consultant," the lawyer said.
"We have enough consultants," the contractor said.

"I know all about what's going on in government," the lawyer said. "I'll be an advisor."

"We have enough advisors," the contractor said.

By now the lawyer was becoming a little desperate. "Look," he said, "I'm not overly proud. I'll help you with paperwork, sort of like a clerk."

"Sorry," said the contractor. "We have more than enough clerks.

With that the lawyer got upset. Jumping to his feet, he turned toward the door and shouted, "Well, to work for you, I'd have to be a low-down, double-dealing SOB anyhow."

"You didn't say you were a lawyer!" exclaimed the contractor. "Do sit down."





There are two kinds of lawyers, those that know the law and those that know the judge.





What’s the difference between God and a lawyer?
God doesn’t think she’s a lawyer.






What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
Vampires only suck blood at night.






How many lawyers can you place on the point of a needle?
Ten, if you make them stand on their heads.