Legal System

Hate Them Lawyers #7

Lawyer: “Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?”
Client: “After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.”






“A lawyer is a liar with a permit to practice.”







Why don’t lawyers enjoy playing golf?
Because it’s too much like work, what with all of the lying involved.







Lawyer: “Let me give you my honest opinion.”

Client: “No, no. I’m paying for professional advice.”






What do lawyers do after they die?
They lie still.






What do honest lawyers and UFO's have in common?
You always hear about them, but you never see them.






How can you tell a lawyer is lying?
Answer #1: His lips are moving.
Answer #2: Other lawyers look interested.






One juror overheard saying to another...”You’ll notice that neither the prosecutor or defense attorney swore to tell the truth!”





There’s an interesting new novel about two ex-convicts. One of them studies to become a lawyer, and the other decides to go straight.





How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they'd rather keep everyone in the dark.








“It is hard to say whether the doctors of law or of divinity have made the greater advances in the lucrative business of mystery.”
-- Samuel Goldwyn







Two lawyers were walking along negotiating a case.
“Look,” said one to the other, “let’s be honest with each other.”

“Okay, you first,” replied the other.

That was the end of the discussion.