Legal System

Hate Them Lawyers #8

What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.






What’s the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche with two lawyers riding in it?
A porcupine has pricks on the outside.





What is the difference between a vulture and a lawyer?
The vulture eventually lets go.





A lion in the London zoo was lying in the sun licking its arse when a visitor turned to the keeper and said, "that's a docile old thing isn't it?"
"No way," said the keeper, "its the most ferocious beast in the zoo. Why just an hour ago it dragged a lawyer into the cage and completely devoured him."

"Hardly seems possible" said the astonished visitor, "but why is it lying there licking its arse?"

"The poor thing is trying to get the taste out of its mouth."






What’s the difference between a cat and a lawyer?
One is an arrogant creature who will ignore you and treat you with contempt unless it can get something out of you. The other is a house pet.





What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A doberman pinscher.







Two tigers were walking single file along a jungle trail. The rearmost tiger wandered off the trail for a few minutes, then reappeared. A few moments later, the front tiger felt what seemed to be the other tiger’s tongue, applied just below his tail. The tiger disapproved of this action, but didn’t want to start anything by bringing it up. Then the tiger felt the tongue again, and in the same place. He decided to confront the tiger behind him, and asked, “Did you just lick me twice in the butt?” That tiger replied, “Yes, sorry about that. I just ate a lawyer and was trying to get the taste out of my mouth.”





What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One is a bottom-dwelling, garbage-eating scavenger. The other is a fish.






Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers.






“A country man between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.”
-- Benjamin Franklin





What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
The lawyer charges more.






What is the difference between a vulture and a lawyer?
The vulture doesn’t get Frequent Flyer Miles.






Why are lawyers like beavers?
They get in the mainstream and dam it up.





Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?
Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.







What is the difference between a vulture and a lawyer?
The vulture doesn’t take its wing-tips off at night.






A lawyer walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender looked up and noticed what looked like a frog growing out of the side of the side of the lawyer’s head. The bartender looked at the lawyer and said "Oh, my goodness -- how did such an awful thing happen?" Before the lawyer could say anything, the frog spoke up and said, "Well, it started off as a small wart on my fanny and it grew into this awful thing."




What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
Lipstick.





What do lawyers and bullfrogs have in common?
Both have a big head that consists mostly of mouth