Legal System

Hate Them Lawyers #9

What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
- The lawyer charges more.

- A herd of buffalo is forced to eat a load of grass to make a pile of bullshit. A lawyer forces you to eat a load of bullshit to MAKE a pile of grass.

- Both generate thunderous piles of excrement, LOUDLY, while charging non-stop.

- One tramples you underfoot while charging non-stop. The other we wiped out in the 1800s.

- One will skin you alive to death.... the other we skinned alive to death.

- If you meet a herd of buffalo in mid charge you can survive it.

- One we shot from trains. The other we should have. And cars and planes ...

- One we nearly made extinct. The other nearly made us extinct.

- We tanned the hides of the four footed type. The other keeps tanning ours.

- One is half bull, half cow. The other is full of bull, and cows everything else.

- And in both cases the bulls screw the cows as much as possible. After milking as long as possible.

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A man took a trip out West after a harrowing divorce proceeding. He stopped in a bar, and after a few drinks stated to no one in particular, “Lawyers are horses’ asses.”
Hearing this, one of the locals spoke up: “Mister, watch what you say. You’re in horse country.”

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What’s the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
The tick drops off when you are dead.

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A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!"
The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"

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What is the difference between a poisonous snake and a lawyer?
You can make a pet out of the snake.

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The judicial process is like a cow. The public is impaled on its horns, the government has it by the tail, and all the while the lawyers are milking it.

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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
To practice.

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How can you tell the difference between a dead snake and a dead lawyer lying on the highway?
There are skid marks in front of the snake.

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Do you know why a rattlesnake will not bite a lawyer?
Professional courtesy!

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A blind rabbit and a blind snake ran into each other on the road one day. The snake reached out, touched the rabbit and said, "you're soft and fuzzy and have floppy ears. You must be a rabbit." The rabbit reached out, touched the snake and said "you're slimy, beady-eyed and low to the ground. You must be a lawyer."