Regional Humor

Driving in Chicago

Next, if your road map is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If in Naperville and your Map is one-day-old, then it is already obsolete.

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Chicago has its own version of traffic rules...a.k.a "Hold on and pray."

There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Chicago. We all drive like that.

All directions start with, "I94", which has no beginning and no end.

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10.
The evening rush hour is from 3 to 8.4
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

Construction on Northwest Toll way is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooooo much fun with that we have added Elgin O'Hare and the I355 to the mix.

All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase,
"Oh, we're in Cicero!"

If someone actually has his or her turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.

Think twice about using your horn in Chicago. Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.

All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way. Period.

First Ave, LaGrange Rd, NW Highway, all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples).

If asking directions in Cicero you must have knowledge of Spanish. If in Bridgeport, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on the West or South side you better be armed.

A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75.

The minimum acceptable speed on the Dan Ryan is 85.
Anything less is considered downright sissy.

The wrought iron on windows near Englewood and Austin is not ornamental.

The Congress expressway is our daily version of NASCAR.

The Dan Ryan is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."